The Ultimate Guide to Sixth Form Lads - Part 2

Here it is; you’ve waited all week (possibly), and the second instalment of the Ultimate Guide to Sixth Form Lads is finally here!

The Sporty Lads

I’m not gonna say ‘The Jocks’, because that sounds like something out of High School Musical, Glee or some other equally irritating American show. Really, it’s all in the name for this one. They’re guys (though they like being called lads- but who doesn’t?) who are sporty. But I don’t mean Boff sporty. These guys are in at least one, though usually two or three school teams, and in the firsts, A-team or whatever their school calls the best team for most of these sports. Often they don’t try too hard in school, but make up for it by working pretty hard at sports to be (to quote an old tv show) the very best, like no-one ever was. Sometimes they aren’t too bright, and can be aggressive and generally douchey, but this isn’t as often as you might think (from those irritating American tv shows).

Ok, sometimes you get a few who don’t work at school, or at sport (but are naturally good), are absolutely a-holes and basically the type of person you would write a message like ‘I’m sure you’re a nice person... deep down’ or ‘It’s not that I hate you, I just wouldn’t care if you died. At all.’ in their year books, but honestly you get those people in all these stereotypes. Just, more in some than others...

The Druggies (Often crosses over with musicians)

Haven’t bothered even learning the phrase “Would you like fries with that?” for one of three reasons:

1. They won’t remember it in the morning.
2. They can’t be bothered, and aren’t worried about jobs or the future; live fast and die young, all that rubbish.
3. They’re still convinced their band will take off (musician cross-over). And I don’t mean a good band (though it might be... rarely). I mean the type called ‘Numb Nuts’ that perform Gangsta Rap... whatever that is.

Spend a great deal of their lives trying to figure out what day it is, which way is up and what the f**k happened last night. Says it all, really.

The Musicians (also sometimes known as the ‘I’m in a band’ers; Often cross over with druggies)

These are the people whose lives revolve (or at least mostly centre around) music, their instrument(s) and their talent. They can range from deranged druggies and tone-deaf nutters (for lack of a more fitting word), to musically gifted geniuses with enough music grades to sink a battleship (and often have a last name like Zeffman, just saying!). These guys and gals are often in a band, some of which are actually really good, and others which, well... aren’t. Still, both types compete in things like school Battle of the Bands with crazy names like ‘Behind the Label’ or ‘Binary Preset’ (what kind of nutters came up with that last one?). Some of this lot will go off and become professional musicians, or could easily if they wanted. Others will become professional buskers, and play occasionally at rubbish night clubs and bars until they end up back in their parent’s basement... worst case scenario, though (usually the druggie cross-overs).

That's all this week. Next week I'll post the last three hilariously exaggerated stereotypes!

Have a great week!

   -Jamie

The Ultimate Guide to Sixth Form Lads – Part 1

(I originally wrote this as one post, but it ended up so long I thought I’d do it in two or three instalments. The beauty of this is that I’m now sorted for the next few weeks slap-bet wise! )

The other day I was reading through a random magazine that happened to be sitting on the kitchen table during breakfast when I came across an article on the stereotypical types of girls in London Sixth Form schools, written by one of those people who have awarded themselves the title of comedian, and yet aren’t actually funny enough to do anything other than dodgy articles in a random magazine. However, it got me thinking about how my school works, so I thought I’d give it a shot at creating the types of lads you get in Sixth Form, hopefully in a vaguely amusing way.

So, here it is; the Ultimate Guide to Sixth Form Lads *

NB: It is important to note that the task I have undertaken is effectively impossible. Not that many people fit in perfectly to one of these categories, and chances are you’re a combination of 2 or more different types of lad. These are the extreme stereotypes, so don’t expect to find yourself, maybe just bits of yourself.

(* Many Sixth Form boys prefer to be referred to as lads, since it makes us feel older, cooler and far more manly.) 

The Nerds

Probably the easiest group to recognise, though not due to the stereotypical Einstein hairdo and broken glasses with tape in the middle that almost every bad teen-flick seems to think defines a nerd. No, these are the people who don’t have to worry about learning the phrase “would you like fries with that?” Basically, the people who give a crap about school. For one reason or another, whether it’s because they want to do well, want to be rich or don’t want to waste their time (or at a private school, their parent’s money), these people try in school (usually successfully). They are easily identified by good grades, teachers often loving them and, in some rare cases, a severe lack of a social life (though again, not as many as in crappy films).

The Boffs (aka Boffins)

A more subtle group, the boffs fulfil all, or at least most of the requirements of a Nerd, but with a few distinct differences. For starters, they are usually good at a few sports, and in sporting teams. Also, they may be ‘popular’ (though this is harder to define than it was in year 8; is it the people with the most friends? The ones everyone wants to be friends with? Do these people even exist anymore?), and will have a reasonable or busy social life. Still, they work hard and are generally fairly good all round.

They can range from very good in school to fairly good, and the same in sport. If you know one of those incredibly annoying guys, also known as ‘Golden Boys’, who seems to be perfect at everything, chances are he’s a boff (you know the type; straight A’s, in all the sports teams, maybe even captain of a few, friendly... oh yeh, and secretly resented by most people for being smart and sporty, and often popular too. It’s just not fair!).

The Mecks

Here’s one only Jewish guys will probably have heard of, so for those of you who don’t know, a meck is a male beck. Becks are the (usually Jewish) girls who wear abercrombie and fitch religiously (or, if they’re really crazy, Hollister), worship BBM and spend their whole lives typing on their blackberries, despite the fact that often they are surrounded by people or even in a conversation; anyone on BBM is automatically more important and interesting. Mecks are the male version of Becks, but much more rare. They’re pretty similar to be honest; they wear Abercrombie or Hollister, spend all their time on their blackberries (which apparently are called BB for short, for anyone who has a good phone and didn’t know that) and mostly hang out with just becks. They usually don’t have many male friends, and often come across as a bit camp (or very camp, it depends).  Occasionally they can even be aggressive to other guys, but in reality they are full of it most of the time and throw out idle threats as often as they PING people on BBM.

That’s all for now, next week I’ll post part 2 of the guide, which is arguably even better than this week’s post (if that’s even possible!).

Have a great (and anticipation-filled) week!

    -Jamie

Return of the Slaps

I’m hurt. My pride is bruised, my eyes are stinging and my face is red... but not from embarrassment (well, maybe a little bit). After my small breaking of the Slap Bet rules last week, Benji and Charlie promptly slapped me first think Monday morning, with no holding back... ok, fine, Charlie was kind enough to hold back and Benji messed his slap up, so really I got away with minimal slappage (yes, it’s a word), but despite this I’m determined to avoid them having the chance to get proper revenge ever again. So, here’s this week’s post coming to you ON TIME!

For those of you who have never participated in a Slap Bet, I have a video to convey what’s at stake here, as well as show what will probably happen in the future to one of us (Benji, Charlie and myself) if we don’t post on time. As usual, the whole video is hilarious, but if you’re in a hurry you can watch from 1:25... but watch the whole thing.

Of course, as with all things in life, there’s a perfect song to hum quietly (or, if you’re really brave, sing loudly in their face) just after the slap has been administered:

Anyway, moving away from amusing ways to harm your friends, half term is now officially over. And I already feel like I need a holiday! I mean, what’s the point of giving us a so-called ‘break’ if we then get so much homework we don’t get a break? One of my teachers actually thought 93 pages of past papers seemed reasonable! 93! I couldn’t care less about what angle a shot putter should put his leg at to improve his throw, and if I have to read one more velocity-time graph I’m going to burn the whole booklet, I swear to God.

Still, at least all the other subject teachers took all this into consideration... sadly, they then decided they wanted to work us to death didn’t care and gave us piles and piles of other work anyway... awesome.

So, that’s why I only just finished my holiday homework (apart from the 93 bloody pages of physics) today.

Well, I hope you had a more restful holiday than I did, and if you are one of those people who sat at their desk procrastinating all week and doing very little work, don't worry; we all did the exact same thing!

Have a great week!

                -Jamie

P.S. Even though it’s nowhere near November, happy Slapsgiving everyone!

One of those rare occasions...

To be honest with you, I never really understood the idea of blogs. I mean, why would people really care about my life? It’s not massively different from other teenagers’, or very interesting (being able to fly is fairly normal, right?). Occasionally something pretty cool happens, but not enough to write a whole blog on. Cos of that, you may have noticed my past posts (and future ones if you’re reading this in the future) don’t mention my life too much... I prefer to generally ramble about random and potentially funny things. 

However, on this rare occasion something quite cool did happen. I went to the first ever The Blanks concert. I’m pretty sure most of you are thinking “oh, cool... who?”, but unless you live in a box in the middle of a country where nothing ever happens, like Egypt (hehe, political joke), you’ve probably heard of them, but with the name Ted’s Band. That’s right, the a cappella group from Scrubs are a real band (who knew!)

[If you care enough to wanna know more, click HERE] 

So I went to the concert with my mate Lucas, who bought the tickets when he was surfing the web and randomly came across them. He’s the type of guy who sees tickets to an a cappella band from TV and thinks “Y’know what I really wanna spend my Saturday night doing? Listening to THOSE guys... whoever they are”.

Kudos to him. They were awesome.

The show was pretty great, especially for Scrubs fans (I say show cos there were lots of sketches and stuff throughout the concert), but that wasn’t the best bit! As we were leaving, we popped over to the stage door and ran into a security guard, who told us that the band were signing autographs upstairs. 

It took about 24 seconds to get upstairs, and then 30 minutes in a line that seemed to go on and on (and on) to the end of time, all to end up standing... at the back of another line. Don’t you just hate it when that happens? It feels kinda like you’ve been slapped in the face because you’re blog was overdue, and you’ve then had to wander the halls of school with the sting of the slap met only by the sting of having to explain to people why a red mark shaped oddly like a giant hand is on your face.... not that I know what that feels like...

Anyway, after about 40 minutes and 24 seconds (but who’s counting?), we met the band. We had a quick chat, got a photo and all their autographs and basically revelled in the glow of their awesomeness. Then, just before I left, I realised this made a kinda half decent story for my blog, so (in an act that can only be described by a made up word, like incredibrave or possimpible) I turned and asked Sam Lloyd (Ted) to do something from Scrubs. 

To truly understand the hilarity of what my iPhone camera recorded (yes, it has a camera. And I mean a real camera, unlike the crappy things Blackberry’s CLAIM are cameras), watch the first 16 seconds of this video: 

Now, watch my video (below), AND the rest of the one above (in any order) since both are, quite frankly, amazing.

To finish up, I thought I'd give some tips to anyone out there struggling with their UCAS forms, CV's or any other kind of written summary of themselves. Remember, you need to be interesting, and stand out. A great way to do this is to expand your vocabulary by, like I did earlier, inventing words. Employers and admissions officers are desperate to see a sign of initiative, and summing up your own amazing qualities in fewer words also makes their lives easier. It shows creativity and vision... visitivity, if you will.

An example would be Possimpible, formed by simply combine possible and impossible. In one word you've shown that you push boundaries, and make the impossible possible. Others include intellitegrity (intelligent + integrity) and resaweome/resourceome (resourceful + awesome; say it out loud).

So, in the trying times ahead, remember to go past the possible, to the impossible, and then further still, past the impossible, to the place where the possible and impossible meet, forming the possimpible*. 

  

[*As it turns out, this may not be possible... if so, just settle for the impossible. It's still pretty impressive.]

Have a good week!

     -Jamie

PS: Those of you with particularly keen eyes may notice that this post comes to you OVER one week after the last one, thereby breaking the honorary code of the Slap Bet with Benji and Charlie (and if they hadn’t noticed, they will now. Great). And yes, it did only take me 3 weeks to fail, but I won’t be receiving a slap for three excellent reasons; first, it’s half term (praise be to any and all religious figures who sanction holidays), so Benji can’t get to me. Second, I wrote most (some) of this post on time, just forgot to actually post it... that counts, right? Third, and most importantly, they WILL have to catch me first. So there.

TITLE TIME

IT IS TIME. After much deliberation, my blog now has a title. Granted, not a very good one, but still. Welcome to Overexposure to Awesome. Be warned, this blog is not for the faint of heart. Above are a list of warnings my lawyer assures me I must include (and by lawyer, I of course mean the voice inside my head). On top of that, anyone with a pre-existing heart condition, or prone to fainting when crying with laughter, should STOP READING NOW! 

Right, moving on. The way I finally arrived at a title was that in morning registration my mate Kostas picked up my iPhone (yes, I have an iPhone. It’s amazing. I still maintain it’s the best thing I’ve ever owned... including my brother (who I own at everything). Any blackberry users out there, you made the WRONG choice!). Anyway, Kostas starts going through my admittedly awesome selection of films I keep on my phone in case I’m ever stuck somewhere boring, like school, and started watching a particular film that inspired a title in me. Watch THIS to 1:09 for an explanation of the title and blog description, but also watch the whole thing cos it’s hilarious!

So now I’ve got a title! The blog page has been ‘pimped out’ accordingly, but will be changed even more over the next few weeks so that it lives up to its name. To do this, I of course need a far more experienced blogger’s help, so I have enlisted one. Some say, he killed a man once using only his left ear... And that if you look him in the eyes, you see your own death (usually at his own hands seconds after you looked him in the eye, BECAUSE you looked him in the eye). All I know is... none of that’s actually true. He’s called Benji, and here’s a link to his brilliant blog, 11PM BOREDOM!

To finish up, I thought I’d leave you with an appropriate poster (feel free to print it off) to tie in with (a) the new title, and (b) How I Met Your Mother (since that too is, well, awesome!)... anyone who recognises where this comes from is legen-wait for it- dary! And will also get that... (if you don’t CLICK HERE! )

So remember, if any of you feel sad, depressed or down during the upcoming week, and even my blog hasn’t managed to cheer you up... just stop being sad and be awesome instead! *

Have a good week!

   -Jamie

 (* In the unlikely event that even THAT fails, make pancakes!  )

FIRST POST =D

Hey internet! My name’s Jamie, and this is my very first blog post! It almost feels like learning how to walk again... only easier and with much less falling down. Although, there may be a little falling down involved, cos my new blog may just KNOCK YOU OFF YOUR SEAT! =D
I kid, of course. My blog is likely to be fairly rubbish for the moment (mostly due to the lack of a title, but also cos I’m new to the whole ‘posting stuff online’ scene). 

Anyway, just so you know, I will be aiming to post at least once a week. This is because myself, Charlie and Benji (check out their blogs; they put mine to shame!) have something akin to a ‘Slap Bet’ going on (anyone who understands that How I met Your Mother reference is truly awesome. End of.)! So, basically I have to post at least once a week or else risk wandering the halls of school with a red mark on my face shaped suspiciously like a hand.
...
I expect the red mark to become a regular occurrence. Still, when I do manage to post I’ll try to make sure it’s as funny, eloquent and time-wasting as possible, for all you people out there who, like me, should DEFINITELY be doing homework right now (you know who you are, and I salute you!). 

To finish up, I thought I’d post a link to a youtube video, cos it seems lots of bloggers do that; you’ve probably already seen this, but if not you’re in for a treat (unless you, well, are MORE mature than a six year old). The aim of this is simply to watch it without laughing... which of course is impossible now that I told you not to laugh, cos I’m betting you wanna laugh even more now:

DON'T LAUGH!

Ah, the maturity. It’s things like that which make the internet amazing and mortifying.

So, have a great and hopefully thrusting-free week (or not, depending on what you're in to), see ya later!
-Jamie

PS: If you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother, and you find yourself with a surprising amount of free time due to something silly like ‘study leave’, watch it (after checking my blog, of course!). It’s awesome, hilarious and will probably have lots of references in future posts.