The Bro Code

For anyone who doesn't know, the Bro Code is a set of rules by which men should religiously live their lives... unless they don't live in a TV show. Then its iffy.

The book IS real (I have it), and is based on a fictional Bro Code from the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Apparently, Barnibus Stinson, George Washington and Benjamin Franklin (they did live at the same time. I looked it up. IT ALL COULD HAVE HAPPENED!) needed a way to settle disputes over who got wenches at bars, without infringing on each others' rights to also bang wenches. Sadly, George and Benjamin were too busy founding countries and advancing science (you know, useless stuff) to create such an important code of conduct, and so the job fell to Barnibus. He wrote the first draft, which has been edited by bro's over the years into a 150-rule book of glorious manliness... and wenches. So, one of the writers of the TV show wrote the book mentioned in the TV show, using all the articles in the show and adding new ones. It is without a doubt the funniest thing I've ever read.

To give you an idea, here's a couple of good articles:

Article 5

Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 38

Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

It's pretty much impossible to follow all the rules (article 5 gets me every time), but its a damn hilarious read. In future cop-out posts, I'll probably comment on the rules I mention. For example, I might argue that article 38 is (a) kinda wierd... when would I be in a fight to the death?! (unless I accumulate THAT many slaps) and (b) 100% true. ALWAYS. End of.

To finish, here's a video that made me laugh, and is tenuously related to the rest of this post:

Have a good week!
         -Jamie

Birthday Banter

A ridiculous number of my recent posts have started with me apologising for not posting on time. Is it because I’m a tad lazy? Maybe. Or is it because I have horrifying exams that take up the majority of my conscious (and apparently unconscious now too)? Probably. Nonetheless, I didn’t post and have been slapped accordingly. Damn.

Moving swiftly on (please!), while watching the Jimmy Neutron film earlier today I had a (to steal his favourite catch phrase) brain-blast. The blast was that if I came up with a good posting idea I could use the phrase ‘brain-blast’. Luckily, such an idea did fall into my lap.

Tomorrow one of my oldest friends (in terms of time I’ve known him, not age) turns 17 (see? Most of us turned 17 so long ago we’re closer to turning 18 now!). He’s a fairly eccentric guy, and has always said he holds a belief that a person’s birthday is really important, and so he’ll always endeavour to do anything a person asks him to do on their birthday. To avoid any of you taking advantage of this insanely generous (and insane) offer, I won’t be telling you the name of this person... just in case. Besides, he didn’t deliver on the box of flying kittens when I turned 17, so it probably wouldn’t be worth it anyway. 

There’s only one flaw in this philosophy. Ok, fine, there are too many flaws to count, but the one that jumped out at me was that if he’s gonna try to make everyone else’s birthdays awesome, who’s gonna make a big deal for him? I mean, it’d be kinda sad if he had to make a big deal to himself about his own birthday! He will anyway, but still. Secretly, everyone on the planet wants the people around them to remember, and make a big(ish) deal about, their birthday. Anyone that says otherwise is either:

a)  Lying,

b) Trying to be modest (in which case whatever they say should be reversed; eg “Honest, there’s no need to make a big deal” really means “That’s right bitch, I’m [ INSERT AGE HERE ], make a big deal! Make a HUGE deal!”).

c)  Or, if you’re in a relationship with said person, testing you (in which case you MUST take everything they say, reverse it and multiply it by one hundred... thousand. Give or take 10. eg [for a woman]“It’s only my birthday, don’t worry about it” really means “WORRY ABOUT IT. WORRY HARD. I’m expecting my present to either be a unicorn, a diamond necklace or a unicorn WEARING a diamond necklace. And if you get the date, or that I’m turning [ INSERT AGE HERE ] wrong, you will NEVER see me naked. Ever. In fact, you may receive a slap, followed by a 18 page letter explaining all the problems with our now ended relationship.”

...It’s possible I over-exaggerated slightly. Still, you get the jist.

Anyway, the reason this incredibly rambly story is relevant is because I decided that, from 3:00pm until midnight, I would send him a text every hour, on the hour, as a countdown. (I confess that my 9pm text was pretty late, but in my defence I was writing this blog post!) Each text would include the number of hours left until midnight, and a ‘wisdomous words’ section (wise words, but I decided ‘wisdomous’ sounded more mystical) of things he should know by the time he turns 17. 

At 3pm, with 9 hours to go till midnight, the wise words were ‘Never follow a fat lady down a water slide’. Trust me, it’s good advice.

The others have ranged from real stuff like ‘The best things in life are free’, to funny things like quotes from The Bro Code (originally written by Barnibus Stinson, apparently with the help of George Washington and Benjamin Franklin, to settle disputes between bros. Look it up, read it, thank me later).

This wonderfully kind-hearted act made me realise that I could do a similar thing with my blog to avoid slaps. So, this will be my last long post for a while. Instead, I’ll be leaving at least once a week ‘Wisdomous Words’ for you all, since I am a pretty wisdomous guy (hey, I said pretty!). These will range from real phrases that I kinda like, to articles from The Bro Code, or just random (and probably slightly crazy) thoughts/musings on life that pop into my head during the day. Hopefully they’ll make you laugh or think, and maybe work as a supplement to normal posts while I’m busy procrastinating. And as a slap deterrent. DEFINITELY as a slap deterrent. Awesome.

Before I go, I feel it would be wrong of me to mention the whole flying kittens thing without demonstrating what I mean, so here’s a video of me throwing a kitten off my roof a picture:

They would have been my incredibly adorable army! Muwahahaha...

Have a great week!

                -Jamie

Two posts in one week? You must be joking!

I am. See you on Monday. =P

An Insight into the Mind of a Crazy Person (me)

I’m sorry. There, I said it. I know I haven’t posted in ages, and trust me I’m suffering profusely for my lack of posts (so many slaps... so many...), but I feel I should explain.

This holiday, I did what most of you all probably did and created the most incredible, kick-ass perfect revision timetable ever conceived. All I had to do was stick to this timetable and by the end of the Easter holidays I’d be ready(ish) for my AS levels. I followed it for about a day. After that came the frantic re-writes and procrastination I’m used to during revision time; frankly I’m surprised I lasted the whole first day! Anyway, during the blurs of days wasted doing nothing, I COULD have blogged. Here’s the problem; during the time I should be revising, doing anything other than work isn’t allowed (naturally). So, watching TV on my computer with my revision guide open is just about passable cos I can kid myself into thinking I’m working, but anything else isn’t. As such, blogging wasn’t allowed, hence no blogs. I just couldn’t bring myself to do something even slightly productive cos my thought process was as follows:

 

As you can clearly see by the fantastic flow chart, I’m crazy I was trapped in a never ending cycle, so I couldn’t post.

Right, now we’ve sorted that out, maybe a few less slaps will ensue (yeh, I doubt it too, but I can hope!).

My last post (the cop-out one) was really more of a joke, so that I’d at least posted before I go to school tomorrow and get the skin beaten off my face by the number of slaps I’m due. THIS is my real post, the other one was just to trick Benji and Charlie for a bit.

Anyway, to finish up I’ve got a few pictures that made me laugh, and a video I meant to upload ages ago:

Ah, the shit we get up to in physics lessons... Speaking of which, see the video below:

 Let me set the scene. It's a Friday morning (maybe, don't really remember the day), we're sitting in physics studying... something. I think it was standing waves. Our teacher pulls out this gizmo and tells us he's going to create a wave of air in the gizmo to make the flames different heights, allowing us to see the shape of the wave. Almost immediately someone asks if we can plug in an iPod. The results are awesome:

Makes you wonder what kind of fucked up shit really happens in the US that means they need to makes these signs...

 Until next time!

     -Jamie

No Charlie, this is the mother of all cop-out posts:

COP-OUT POST!!! =D

Suck on that Please don't kill me Benji =P 


(Real post to follow soon... REALLY soon. Like, within an hour.)